Oh shit, I am a cheeseburger walrus!!!!!

Well it certainly has been quite some time since I put any fine new reading material out there. I received a text from none other than C"rot"ch this morning. He was left in tears of euphoria and times past by browsing our old blog, located in the comments section of Robortion's blorg. I took a look at some of that stuff this afternoon, and my mind was re-blown. The buildup from mid 2008 to when Robort turned on the comment moderator in February 2010 is quite stunning. What began as the occasional duty report from Croatch Ryback blossomed into a work of art both stupefying and timeless. Flashes of it's brilliance even spilled over into the comments section of the blog you are currently reading, the most recent a tri-ku left by the illustrious Dubbs only weeks ago. This naturally inspired me to take to the infertubes and relive those glory days by  authoring my first post in two years. I am a bit rusty, but once the jenkem kicks in the words will flow like beer shits at an AARP convention.

 Just in case any of you have forgotten, Jenkem is a drug invented by Zambian street children. To make it you simply shit in a two liter bottle, fix a balloon to the top, wait until the balloon is nice and tight with gases emitting from the fermented shit, and take a big lung busting pull off that balloon and let the good times roll. Medical professionals, such as myself, advise brushing your teeth shortly thereafter. The drug brings on waves of euphoria and memories of times past, and for some lucky users, a direct encounter with the one and only Energor, the god of turds, energy drinks, and ancient chinese scrolls. I for one would like to take this opportunity to thank the Zambians for their vision and innovation. It makes me wonder, how did these kids come up with the concept. Did they intentionally shit in a bottle and trap the fermented gases, or did they simply happen upon a two liter full of shit with a balloon tied to it and randomly decide to inhale the gases? Did they have help from ancient alien astronauts? We may never know the answer to these questions. Perhaps the formula came straight from Energor in a dream or vision. Either way, my world will never be quite the same, and I owe it all to the Zambians.

I was reminded while enjoying our blog within Robort's blog, that at one point we had actually raised $200 to pay Robort to huff jenkem. At the time we weren't sure if it was real or not. Some information  pointed to it being a hoax, other sources swore it was quite real. Only one way to find out for sure. Surprisingly Robort didn't take the offer. He would eat bugs for a dollar, but he would not huff Jenkem.
As it turns out, all we had to do was turn the air off at TC Man on a hot day which actually released all the years of TC Man farts from the drywall and created a Jenkemshpere in the building. Teh rest is history, and we got to spend $200 on sausages. Those were the days. I miss the Robortion. I have only seen him once since I moved to AZ. I was somewhat hoping that when I checked my blog after abandoning it for so long I would find it had been hijacked and had 134 comments about jenkem and other enlightening information. One of these days. For now I am going to retire to the giant tub of vaseline in which I sleep.

Get totally Mini Vanned
Doctor